Hypnotize

There comes a time to swallow your pride and move on.
I have such difficulty with that.

someone very close to me is recently engaged. And I cannot consent to feel happy about the matter.

reading week was fine. except for the fact that it exasperated me almost as much as relaxed me, and there was not much to do but attempt homework. which I did not finish...until after the week.
Still not done though...

I've taken to listening to SOAD, though I must admit I skip over some of the more...strange songs in their discography. For the most part though, it is keeping me sane.

No matter where I go and what I do, my mind keeps looping back to the thought that the only dependable person you have is yourself. even if your family and close ones would have you think differently.
I'm probably going to turn senile by the time I'm 30.
honestly I don't give a fuck though...I think that's part of the whole deal though.

How does one please themself when their world revolves around pleasing others,
when their self worth is determined by how much they can do for others,
and guage the reciprocated attention as that determiner?

it's a thought.

wouldn't it be nice,
to just slip,
through this state, yo-yo of strife,
and sleep forever?

I'm only gonna break-break, break-break your heart.

University decisions are really tough. I thought I had it all figured out, and then York replied to me and now I don't know what to do.
I really was trying to do everything I could, I think, to lean towards Toronto, but I wasn't sure why. Now I think I know.
Location. If you look, U of T is a bit more central and in Toronto than York is. I'm not familiar with the Steeles/Finch/Keele/Jane area.
Is being in downtown Toronto so important to me? Possibly, because I'm a bit afraid that in a place so drastically larger than what I am used to, I'll want it as familiar as I can. I mean, it does make sense.
I don't know if others are having my difficulty, but, there it is. I've got about a week to come up with my final final final conclusions!! woo!
Scary and intimidating, but I know that once I have made my choice, it shall be set in stone and I won't look back. I wonder if I do that a lot in life, as whiney and pansy and indecisive as I am. I think I do.

In other news, my friend Saskie (name used because she would kill me if I used her real one) and I are doing dance fitness and swimfit classes. The aqua ones are relatively easy, but, man, the dryland is really really intense. Not bad for the amount we are paying! When they say a class is "Bootcamp", it's bootcamp!
But, everyone there is really nice and friendly, and our membership lasts three months, so we'll get all we can out of it, and that will be that. Maybe I'll be able to lose enough weight so that my "freshman 10 (15)" won't have a big impact.
(which is something I think I'm gonna have a say about later.

Omg, I am tired. Every time I move, my body screams in lunge-plank-crunch-stretch induced pain.

2

I'm switching things up a bit. As much as I love rambling about myself, I'm focusing things in a new direction. As such, this blog is going to be primarily used to follow other blogs and direct any followers to my writing blog
I humbly ask you to subscribe to that blog, as this one will be updated much less frequently and from now on be the one promoted:)

As a side note, I did some writing over the Easter weekend, the beginning of a new plot, and something I have never done before (although I suppose one of the motifs is not brand spankin' new)

Also, today I had the most fun just hanging out with a friend, going into wal-mart (buying cacti and ice cream) and drooling over bedsheets, comforters, clocks, exercise equipment and pretty much everything else; eating 5$ delicious Quiznos subs, and sitting in her car looking at the clouds through the sunroof with the seats fully reclined.
(it was too windy and asphalty to do it outside)

Rugburns

There have been lots of birthdays this week, and they will continue for the whole month! This includes my sister and multiples cousins at the very least for me. Apparently a lot of parents chose the month of July (or June, depending) to procreate. Well...I guess it was summer. :P

Today I got to go bridesmaid dress shopping for the first time ever! We tried them on, took pictures, fought...
My mother deemed most dresses, Too Low/Too Immodest. My sister kept asking if we were good with the colour. Therese kept thinking they didn't look good. Julia's disproportionate. Elyssia went Greek. (Although the highlight happened while I was in a change room; all the sudden you hear "thum thum THUMP" and "ohwwwhhaaaahaa" when she fell/tripped on the footstool. She got a bit of a mark, lol)

If Johanna wasn't going to be bridezilla, I was going to be bridesmaidzilla. at least for a bit. it didn't help that I had started the day off waking up late and having my mom bang on the front door three minutes later, lol.

Although, I did choose a dress. It's lovely, floor length, and has very simple, flattering and elegant rouching. Aside from my prom dress, it'll be my second gown, although I love it just a bit more. The lady from the store even gave us a discount because we are getting six dresses. She was very nice on the whole.

Now I've just got to suck up the 200$ for the dress. Oh well, could be worse!

Flyer Night

I'm in a bit of a flippant mood.
(I also think I've just been waiting for an opportunity to use the word "flippant".)

I'm sort of excited though! I daresay I've been accepted now into one of my three university choices. My account tells me there is a detailed letter coming for me in the mail.

This has given me inspiration. I want to write, I want to do it for the rest of my life.
I want to get off my butt and promote it.

But, I need to have some credible writing first to back it up...not just whiney blogs that reveal what an insane, horrible, childish, vengeful and jealous creature I am to my dear three (?) followers every once in a while.

I need to get some publicity, Yo.

this means less facebook for me I guess...

NB!
I am finally getting some more hours.
unfortunately, I'm getting a lot of shifts that aren't cash though.
Aisles is fine...I guess...but my shirt gets dirtier faster, and not that I am all that anal about cleanliness, but, I've only got one good workshirt, lol, and it will smell like strenuous box lifting after a while...

Saved!

My nice skin is back. I'm glad; it was putting me off for a while.

I met someone this weekend. I won't say who they are, but I knew who they were before I met the actual person.
I think I was disappointed.
That, and well, it just made me question what I know about the storytellers.

Although, to be honest, first person in a while who's going to be a challenge, I'll tell you that.
Caution ahead.

In other recent news...........

Slightly agitated.
I'd write more, but it's pointless. I'll just let the unspoken words writhe in agony because I can't say them properly.

Needless to say, I am beyond pissed off. I haven't had this much of a cry for ages. I still might not be done.

It'll take a while.

Kamahameha

On sunday, I had this cranky customer. She came up with her son and three items; he was getting a corkboard separately. Apparently it was five dollars cheaper at Zellers. Now, we do have the option as cashiers to control the price of something without consulting a manager if it is within ten dollars, however, this woman did not have the right idea of going about asking for it.

Now, the first question that comes to my mind when a customer asks for a price difference is if it is in the flyer of the other place, or website or something like that. That's just conditioning for me so that I can have proof it actually should be changed. So I asked her that, just out of habit, and she says Well I don't know how I can do that, as it was just a price tag on the shelf, in a very "Duhhhh" tone.
(So why didn't you buy it at Zellers? What does it matter to you if your money is spent in my store or their's? Get the HBC! lol)

I didn't want to fight with her...but this woman was being a little rude, and her son looked a bit uncomfortable. I told her that I can't just do something that's on the shelf, like, I need proof. She hmmpfed. When her total came up, her son looked at her as the bill he was holding in his hand wasn't going to cover it. She starts digging in her wallet, complaining "didn't think it was going to actually come up to this much..." (DID ya now?)

This customer was lucky enough to get a service survey. Oh Joy. Doesn't bother me that much though because I know she would have had the same attitude had I given her the price match.
It's the little things in life :)

Yesterday!
Interesting and random again! I like getting the randomness back.

I fixed two buttons on my brand new jacket. They were loose in the first place and I sewed them on tighter. Ahaha. Kudos to my threading skills I didn't realize I still had. :D

I went into work to talk to them about my hours and to buy some new headphones (which rock, I will always recommend panasonic brand headphones, as well as my beloved Skull Candies, of course.)
Turns out that woman filled out the customer service survey and was "disgusted" with the associates (me) behaviour, and was displeased because she had no way of proving it. She thought it was petty I suppose (to be honest woman, I did too. You shouldn't have made such a big deal.)
I told my managers that it was me who had rung her through, explained my position, told them I wouldn't do it again, but, just at that point in time I didn't feel it was wise for me personally to give it to her. Lol, maybe my cashier position isn't the place to be teaching people ettiquette, but I am that type of person and this made me feel just a little victory. I got a bit of a reprimand for it, but they understood. :)

On my way to work though, it just HAD to start raining. Gah.
However, when I got back to the bus terminal finally, I walked up to where my bus would stop and pick up, because although according to the time the bus might have already left, there was someone standing there with a large umbrella waiting.
I asked her if she was waiting for the fifteen, she said yes, but that she had just got there herself.

She invited me under her umbrella and we chatted for a bit, eventually deciding to take another bus instead.
Getting on that bus, our conversation continued from where we lived, what we did, the weather and all that jazz.
I never got her name, I must confess, nor did I ever reveal mine. She looked like a Melissa though (lol, wtf I know.)

When we neared her stop, she convinced me to take her umbrella with me, because she only had a tiny walk and mine was ten minutes. I wanted to argue, but she said to take it. Apparently she found it in her break room after it had just been sitting there for months anyways, so she didn't have much claim to it either. She waved to me after she got off and the bus passed by.

Walking home, I'm actually pretty darn happy I had that umbrella. It was very cold and wet.

Thanks, Stranger!