Hpnotc

I'm gonna run a little commentary today, about women. This is all a result of the bus. Oh, how I love the bus. I have no idea if anything is medically or scientifically accurate, but I'm not a doctor or scientist, and don't give a fuck on that front, and also, in what I've seen, you don't have to have a certificate to have everyone believe whatever you say, just Charisma
(God, I love that word)

There was a woman, and she was clearly very pregnant. And she was also smoking.
I don't mind smokers, I'll even do it myself occasionally.
But you don't make your unborn baby smoke your smoke. You chose to smoke, not the baby.
Jerk.

Secondly, as I was sitting, nearly in tears over this mother, I saw this other girl standing outside the bus stop.
She seemed to me to be the epitome what our nation's women are today.

Small breasted from hormone filled food in giant portions of genetically modified protein and vitamins, screwed up estrogen and testosterone levels, as well as from evolution--lines of women having 1.2 children stopping the need for their endowments to be anything less than impressive.

At the same time, these women are filling their childless bellies with something else...so much alcohol that it leaves them with large beer bellies, or vodka, rum and wine bellies, complete with a large donut hole of a belly button overhanging store-torn jeans that don't fit their asses properly because they only go half way because, although their legs are thin enough, the bands won't go around the stretch-marked waist.

The woman's (the typical woman, not the like, 20% percent that fill magazines and the petite section at the mall) silhouette isn't much of a silhouette anymore. Their shadows look like a Picasso reject.

What does this all come down to?

Well, fortunately for me, my body IS proportionate. No, it's not the 130 lbs that is supposedly supposed to be normal for my height (BMIs, kiss my curvaceous ass), but everything's the right size for my size.
Thanks to a mother who hates hot dogs, non farm-fresh meat and produce, and many other old-school health delights, I have been blessed with the keeping of good genetics and allowed to grow my bosom to it's full extent which leaves others looking in jealousy or lust.
(haha, I really just went on a rant there, and it sounded good, so I'll keep it. I'm not really that full of myself.)
Thanks to my family, I've kept in relatively good shape and not fallen totally for the fast food, alcoholic, and muscle-inhibiting/belly-building birthcontrol ways of the rest of us.

Unfortunately, this makes shopping for clothes difficult.

Not long ago, going up a size literally meant they just moved the bust and hips up a size.

now, bust and hips stay the same. it's the belly that grows
(or stays the same but is made of lycra and spandex because some dumbass decided to bring leggings back into fashion and now everyone wants to look like a 1980`s TV workout instructor with matching "stomach flattening"--or not--tight and stretchy material.

This is difficult when you want to buy a dress or a nice shirt.
It's maddening when you have to put a piece of clothing back withing ten seconds of trying it on because right away it doesn't fit over that lovely, envy-producing bust of yours.
Annoying when you know it WOULD fit, if it didn't just have that huge pucker in the waist where your huge paunch is supposed to be, really making that dress into a bubble dress.
And it pisses one right off when the shirt isn't long enough because half the material is taken up by those lovely things on your chest.

It's annoying when you come out of the changeroom, and look like you've just had a work out because you've been wresting with an overpriced piece of polyester-cotten blend to get it back over those hills that they got stuck on and you realized, Shit, this isn't going to fit you.
(lol, maybe not so intense, but, it is frustrating. and angering, not depressing)

So what does one do? They go to the Plus section. But it doesn't matter, because there, everything is ugly and disgusting, because for some reason it seems like they want to make fat people depressed. And you really aren't that big anyways, you just wanted something for your boobs, but you now fail because you aren't three hundred pounds.

sigh

Well. that was my night.

What were my resolutions? Well, I'm tired, so I'll just give you this and be done with it. I think it's awesome. It's creepy and beautiful at the same time, and is one of the few videos I've seen that accurately describes how I feel when I listen to it (well, maybe not the last 20 seconds)

they're not too bad live either. (And this is as live as it gets) ;)

Alsace-Lorraine.

My issues from yesterday may not have been fully resolved, but they're getting better :)

I've found that I like cleaning a bit, but I have to have a list.

I like making lists almost as much as I like crossing things off of them.

I have a busy weekend coming, with things triple scheduled both days. Ack.

I have also considered making this blog come to good use.

I wish I had the capacity to turn it into an advice blog, or something about baking expertise, or child care, or political opinion or religious or something.

As it is, I have decided to make these resolves:

From now on, this blog shall have:

-one random fact each day.

-one awesome video link

-some tip/advice about something (prolly regarding baking or relationships, haha)

-a link to something I think you'd like to read ;)

As well as my normal Blathering and Cyptic Titles.

Chicken pot pie on a Sunday Night

I'm pissed off.

Not in really proactive way, more a depressing way (as is my nature).

I feel neglected, alone, forgotten, used and and completely misunderstood.

I don't meant this teen angst wise...

it's something I've felt before, a few years ago.

that got fixed, eventually, but it took a couple of those few years to do so.

It's weird though, because my life isn't that bad, I have a job and a living spot and family, you know.

But we always forget the things we take for granted when it actually matters.

Maybe it's just major PMS, but I doubt it, it doesn't seem to add up.

We'll see.

So Yesterday, so yesterday, I'm like a bird, I've already flown away

Yesterday was genuinely random.

I had a grumpy morning on msn, and also with one of the children (not at them, just with something she said). I had come back to visit the family for prayer group, and brought my standard snacks along, etc etc.

Now, before I'd ever nannied them, I'd gone to prayer group, and it was always established that I could sleep over every week after, since we started at nine, and ended at 11 or later.

One would assume that after I was done nannying, none of this would change.

So, when I woke up at 7:30, I went back to sleep, I had agreed to clean up the tea cups, at their mother's request, but I decided I could do it in half an hour or so, since I had not been able to fall asleep until 2:30, and I knew the cups would still be waiting for me.

When I went out later, the cups were cleared and there was nothing for me to do.

So I went back in the room with full intentions to continue typing my little novella, but wound up getting stuck in a sticky msn situation.

(but that's not what this blog is about)

While I was sitting there, doing this and that on the laptop, one of the girls came in.

She mentioned, essentially, that her mother said something basically to the extent of, "Deanna should not sit in there all day doing nothing, when she's here, she should do something to help out."

Umm, excuse me?

Okay, you start paying me again, and then I'll become your slave again.

Essentially, I'm not going next week. Not when I'm apparently only valued as a guest there if I bring treats and pick up small store items for them and clean their house and watch over her children while I'm there.

She picked the wrong day to say a selfish bitchy comment.

When I was on the bus travelling home, I wasn't feeling so good, so I stopped at the market and talked to my one friend who works there. He instantly made me feel better again! Yay! This was random item #1

#2 comes from being on the bus to go home, and then staying on it all the way to it's final destination to meet my cousin for an hour before I had to go babysit. hahah, I vented, he was happy to listen.

While I was babysitting, I checked my facebook, and found a whole conversation between him and another cousin of mine, who were talking about going to the mall. Since I was going to be done babysitting by then, I texted them to say I was coming too, since they thought I wasn't going to be able to make it.

I get on the bus, and, my cousin is on the same one (well, it figures, but I thought he would have taken either a different or an earlier one.) I also saw someone I went to high school with, but she was way at the front of the bus so I didn't say anything...

Get to the mall, and while walking with my two cousins and my cousin's friend, I see, again, my friend from the market, meandering with a few of his own! I waved, he waved back.

We went into a store, and I felt like my skin was being peeled off with acid, so I went outside of it in search of food with Dylan. I went to buy us burgers, and who do i see in like at the restaurant beside us? My friend, once again, but I didn't want to seem like I was stalking, so I didn't make myself noticeable.

When I got back to the table, all the sudden, my younger cousin, Dylan's little sister, showed up with a friend! they were going to a movie

(if you haven't guessed by now, my family is quite extensive)

When my other cousin and her friend went up to get food after us, we went too, and passed Nick, whom I then talked to for a couple minutes because he acknowledged me first.

Yay!

The night's randomness was completed by an impromptu sleepover, and a tranny on the bus that sat down across from me, and I had to avoid looking at because I would have laughed.

Birthday's are upon us all.

I had a good day today. It was full of goodness
(hence, it was a good day; isn't logic so logical?)
I made brownies right off--a brand new recipe that turned out well and the dishes didn't take too long.

And then I made plans to meet people, or at least meet people in the new future.

I realized, also, that though I would love to have children, I don't think having a baby is the best thing for me right now.
I couldn't support it.
(There's your random thought of the day.)

I went into a Subway tonight to buy something to eat, and there was a gigantic line. But, unfortunately for me, I didn't have too many options, and I feel less full of grease after Subway than something like KFC (which was pretty much my only other option).

Anyways, when I was there, waiting in the long, long line a guy I went to highschool with came in through the back entrance, and as he passed me, went "What's up" in a really hurried way.

I felt like giving him a kiss, because I felt like a hug wouldn't be enough.
I wanted to take that boy in, and mother him and feed him.
He was wearing a leather jacket, that had once looked new and shiny, but was now getting worn out (not in a bad way, jackets do that, but, as if he wore it all the time). As he passed me, he smelled of cigarettes; not stale, but new.
And what did he buy at the counter?
Smokes, of course.

His face was thin; he used to be robust and if he had been skinny before his addiction started, he would have looked emaciated.
He was always tall, but now he seemed taller due to his unhealthy weight loss.
There were circles under his eyes, he looked tired.

The boy would be good looking, but he had a sickly aura that would make you want to pity him.
He would be adorable, but he lost that innocence when he took that first hit.
He would be fun to hang around with, if you weren't afraid he'd changed so much.

He would be great to get to know again,

if you weren't worried you didn't want to know.

Octogénaire

So, I had my first shift yesterday afternoon.

My mind is blown at how the world works out sometimes.

Lately, I'd been wondering, you know, if God really cares, if I'd been left in a ditch, if my last job turning out the way it did was some kind of punishment.

Well, I don't know about the latter of that sentence, but I'm sure God cares.

(I'll explain in a bit)

So, work went well. I got taken care of right away with a new shirt (too big, they'll have to order one my size) and whether I would prefer King's Buffet or East Sides for the Christmas dinner.

All of my fellow employees are really friendly, from whom I've met so far. All the guys are adorable in their own way.

One of them, for some inexplicable reason, reminds me of Benicio Del Toro, which means he will have a special place in my heart, lol.

Another one went to a high school, surrounded by fields, and not too far from the one I went to. He also has an eyebrow piercing that actually works, and is really friendly and adorable. He's in aisles. I think we might get along.

The break room is fantastic. Tables, large comfy chairs that were returned for having some scrape or another, a computer that can connect to facebook, sketchy lockers, a fridge, microwave, sink and plastic cutlery and tupperware in the cupboards, and a giant flatscreen TV complete with a mini bookshelf full of DVD's and box sets of such classics as Family Guy and the Simpsons.

Of course I made a few mistakes. Last time I worked at a Staples, I worked there for nearly a year, but then I took a huge break in between, so I need to remember things.

As a whole though, I don't think I did too badly.

There was a big mixup with someone's in-store credit deferral. The associate who was helping the lady with her purchase literally went "NOOOOOOO!" when I pressed the enter button to print out her reciept; I thought it was all done.

Apparently it wasn't, and it took fifteen minutes of embarrassment on my part, confusion on the customer's part, and much typing and printing and phone calling on the manager's part.

I apologized profusely, and she said it was okay. It was a simple mistake, and no money was lost. I just have to be more careful

Then again, it was my first shift, sooooo....

I have that immunity ;)

Here's the bit where not being abandoned by the Big Guy above comes in.

I left the building at the end of the night, and walked to the bus stop. Turned out the bus wasn't going to come for about half an hour, and it would have been almost ten o'clock when that happened, which would mean I would have to take an eleven o'clock transfer home or bust. Or call a taxi, but I don't like taxi's late at night.

I walked to the Tim Horton's, bought an extra large coffee to last me the wait, and walked to a different stop. When I got there, I found out another bus I hadn't known of was coming to the stop in two minutes!

I thanked my stars, and when I stepped on that bus grabbed a schedule. It said it was due to arrive at the terminal two minutes before my transfer bus.

I hoped it would arrive there in time. I nearly peed myself in anxiety (although, it could have also been the coffee I suppose), constantly looking at the time. When we neared the terminal, I stood up, ready to pounce out of the bus and run for dear life to catch my bus.

We drive into the terminal...

I'm ready to go....

And the bus...

Drives right into the spot where my transfer bus was supposed to be!

My bus, the 11, turned into the 15 when it got to the terminal!

DEANNA WINS!

I felt a giant wave of relief flood over me. I would be home in ten minutes.

Life is also good because my uncle is awesome. He told me to leave food on the counter if I have an afternoon shift, and he would cook it for me in time when I got home. heart!

He also told me he could pick up anything at the grocery store.

And when I mentioned, well, what does he want for rent, I found out I am getting it at a giant deal. Basically a third of normal rent prices, and I know he wouldn't let me barter to give him more.

Family rules :)

Staples.

I have my first shift at work tomorrow, I'm sort of excited.

At the same time, I'm almost not looking forward to it. When I've started a job, I become a work-a-holic (family trait, haha), but when I don't have one, I get incredibly lazy and the last thing I want to do is anything but social events and sleep.

Well, I've got the social events down over this weekend, and I've gotten plenty of sleep, so now I've just got to suck it up.

I feel, this week, for my friends who have parental issues.
My parents are pretty okay, and I've always been the "rebel" in my family so I know how to handle them, and I've taken my metaphorical beatings to learn my lessons, and I'm fairly independent by now and therefore have less issues with them.
I don't owe anything to them other than to be present at family events and to give them the genuine love I will feel for them.
I make my own money, and find my own way from life, and use them sometimes as guidance or reference, but I pretty much do it all myself.

I think back to when I wanted my parents to go to the parent teacher interviews at school (they did once, lol), or whenever I would go to a friends house, or live with other people
there was one thing that I seemed to want, and still seem to want

I want my parents to be told,
"that girl of yours, she's a good one
she's independent and works hard, a good kid,
she does just fine on her own, doesn't she?"

Maybe I feel like I have something to prove, maybe I feel like I didn't get enough attention before, and now I want that attention to be directed to my parents in the form of, Look what you missed in your stupidity.
(in all honesty, I felt they were rather stupid sometimes regarding me in past years, something that I dealt with by either being totally honest with them, or just not telling them anything at all purposely, which always gives fascinating results.)

I just hope that my friends figure out the best way to handle their parents as well.
I am at peace because I've found a balance.
I wish that they find their's, and life becomes less miserable on that point.

I hope they are honest with themselves, and get it all sorted out
:-]