Claddagh

When I was in middle school we had "Hawaiian Day".

Everyone came in Lei's and flower print shorts and and grass skirts.

I instead, went in what my mother lent me--an authentic Hawaiian muui muui she had got when she went on vacation years ago. I was absolutely in love with it, and so happy because it was real. I was sure that I would get recognition, if not the prize, for best costume.

Well, I didn't. In fact, no one knew what I was wearing, didn't know what a muui muui was even when I told them, and people thought I had not really understood the theme. I didn't win, either, haha.

I still didn't regret wearing it, and am still glad today that I did wear it.

This isn't really a parable, but part of something I realized when I was sitting, staring at my cousin unpacking her things from Australia.

Nobody in that school understood, but I think if I had had a Hawaiian themed party with my friends now, and worn the same outfit, they would have understood.
They wouldn't have thought I was a complete weirdo and outcast for wearing it.
They would have applauded my autenticity.

And I think that's part of the reason I'm friends with them.
Because I don't really have to explain myself.

Thanks, Friends.

Losing Marbles.

So work really sucks when you find out, after making nearly an hour's journey due to late buses and bad weather, that you weren't actually scheduled in the first place.

It's worse when you had planned your whole day around that false assumption you were working, and had cancelled plans because of it too.

Oh well. It lets one finish ridiculously long and boring and ludicrously expensive University applications.

FML.

I hope the rest of my weekend goes better than this.
(please?)


I don't like the darkness outside. It comes so early, and makes me way tired before my time. I feel old because of it. And the house is cold, and I don't know where the thermostat is, or if I'm allowed to touch it.

Many fathers are touchy about turning up the heating in the house, and though I live with an Uncle, he is still a father to my cousin, and I believe the rule still applies.

I think I actually called him Dad in a dream once.
They're getting weirder as time passes.

I made a lot of headway typing some stuff up yesterday. Almost makes me forget the mess that is my house.

I'll just get it tomorrow.
(famous last words)


I would still be typing now, but I really needed to finish that application, and I need to bake muffins. I hope they are insanely chocolately as the picture suggests. If they aren't, I'll sue for false advertising
(yeah, right.)

I don't understand why I keep putting things in brackets. Maybe I'm going schizophrenic. (I love that word).
Actually, I think I've just been insane in general for ages.

I looked up a video today of a song that makes me sad but feel okay at the same time. Okay because it's relatable and we know we're all going to crap right now. Here it is. Alice in Wonderland much? I like the video too, not just the song. The video makes sense somehow.

However...
Sometimes music videos confuse me.

but I have to say this one takes the cake.

and makes me giggle histerically at the same time. If you can bear it, it's at about 2:35 on that really made me laugh and wonder how they made it.
Wow.
I think any band under the genre "Mathcore" is just bound to make me laugh anyways.
Oh, thank you MTV, for showing me this lovely piece of work.

Now to get back to semi reality.

Oh My! It's fruitcake weather?

I thought of a little ditty today, based on another popular little ditty. I hope no one else has used it yet.
I actually thought of it for someone, and she knows who she is, considering I'm assuming she'll read this around 8 o'clock tomorrow morning.

"I like my men like I like my coffee;
Black,
Hot,
Sweet,
Steaming and Extra-Large."

Happy Christmas Becx. ^_^

Speaking of little ditties, I found this song as I was floundering around YouTube yesterday. I think the whole thing is awesome. I love how they use relatively unconventional phrasing and lyrics in the song, and the whole post-punk/soul/jazz/indie rock to it.
And, Goddam I love them silver booties.

In other unrelated happenings. I baked a sand cake today. Basically it has the consistency of sand, but tastes delicious. It's what you imagined sand would taste like as a kid, but never got to find out because your mother always stopped you before you got that handful in your mouth, and you know there was no way you were gonna get the stuff that had wormed it's way into your swimsuit when you got home.
Wish fulfillment over a decade later. Hmm.

(I do, however, know what gravel tastes like, as no one ever caught me putting that shit in me mouth. Not too delicious. Yet I still ate like ten pounds of the stuff total.)

The sand cake was a time filler until I went to go babysit. Well that was an adventure and a half. The bus was ten minutes late to the terminal.
But, oh what a bus it was. I fell in love with it right away.
instead of the normal flat platform that the buses have, this one was old, and so had steps instead.
too bad for all the people with strollers. Suckers. (lol)
Then, inside the bus, on the right hand side, there were twin seats, but only single seats on the left hand side. I took one of the singles.
I had my own personal window, like the ones on school buses.
too bad for any fat person who would need one as an emergency exit. heh heh.
Finally, getting out was so much fun. The doors were old too, obviously, and opened outward instead of in. there were technically two sets of them, but they would each only let one person out at a time, and opened separately.
I want to ride that bus again :(

I bought mittens!
-22Celsius windchill, do your worst!
(or not, please.)

Surrender Yourself to Me

I think I've found a flower in a field of weeds,
I think I've found a flower in a field of weeds,
Searching until my hands bleed,
This flower don't belong to me,
This flower don't belond to me,
Why can't she belong--to me?

How I love Billy Talent. I would marry Ben Kowalewicz right now. Too bad he's vegetarian though, I love steak so much.

Holy Jesus, it's very very cold. Unfortunately it's kinda icy and snowy too, which means all the buses are late to their stops, meaning you wait outside a few minutes longer each time.
You'd think being 8th generation in your family would have genetically adapted you to the cold, but, apparently not.
Wah.

Randomness!!!
I went to go meet up with people in the mall, and found another cousin of mine (lol, not one of the ones I've met randomly before either.), and turns out she's doing a co-op for nursing. I'm glad to see someone in my family head that direction because Heaven knows it sure as hell won't be me.
(lmao, I just used heaven and hell in the same sentence in what I consider a funny way, but which my brain is too frozen to figure out. Giggle with me.)
I also saw another girl I went to highschool with.
Sometimes she gives me the impression she finds me annoying. I don't know, maybe it's just me, or maybe she's just a sketchy person. It's not like I talk to her all the time or would do stuff to annoy her.

Moving on....

I have the deepest craving to write an essay about something. I have no idea what, but I just want to type.
Maybe it's just my ego talking, saying, Deanna, Show off your smart skills.
Pfft.

I could go for some bacon right about now. Or any food, in general.
Brownies ^_^

When I was a child, there was this "japanamation" film that we had, that my sisters abhorred and thought was for losers, but that I asolutely was in love with. They teased me about it a lot, but I didn't care.
(And they wonder why I love anime now....)
This movie, and this part specifically, was why I chose to take oboe in band class during high school.
I'm in love with this part.
(for the record, we had the english version, I have yet to find a Japanese one of this movie)

Bluejay and Second

So I wasn't going to post this. I wasn't sure if it wouldn't be taken as looking for a pity party, but, it was thought up on the bus, so I really don't know if you can be looking for pity at that point.

I'm usually more concerned with avoiding making eye contact with the creeper who's also in the back of the bus.

So I realized and firmly decided I have justification for this little piece of work, because it's not just about one person, and I have to get my thoughts out or I'll go crazy and depressed like before, and it's my blog and my life so fuck all who think I'm being silly and bitchy and overreactive.

If you think I am, it's simply because we haven't chatted enough about what is going on behind this.

I'm just also entirely uncomfortable with some things.

I realize, sometimes in life, little happenings are good for you.

Sometimes, it's just the circumstances behind these that aren't, and are also worrisome.

I wish I could explain myself more clearly, and I think that's part of the problem.

But these happenings make me uncomfortable.

And perhaps some people are just a little bit sick of it and over it.

So I'm sorry.

But I'm not,

and I won't be,

not for a while.

And I feel

So, so tired, and I wish,

I could just lay everything I have to say out on a table and explain, and weep, and have you all understand.

But I can't

And it hurts like fucking hell.

And the worst, is that the ones who actually need to know all this never will.

So we just try to get by,

crying inside,

and irritating out,

spilling our souls onto dirty sheets of paper

human words incompetent at revealing honest feeling

talking to ourselves and hoping others will notice

but knowing they can't share

our fears and tears,

so we just pray

that they will stay

by our sides,

and comfort us with their sad smiles,

hoping it will do the trick,

to save our sorry lives

from dying of desire

to be understood.

Alejandro

I'm waiting for muffins to be done in the oven. They're taking too long for my liking.

I had to endure seeing somethings, and reading some things today, that I think I really could have lived without.
Or at least could have preferred an abridged version instead.

It really made me angry. So angry, in fact, that this is really all I'm going to say for the whole blog, other than that it was a pretty good day at work, and I am finding more in my co-workers to enjoy everyday, although some I find like there's a jackass just lying beneath the surface.

I also realize that I'm very grateful for my breakroom, and have the strongest desire to go to a bar.

When I have money. Gah.

Divorce Court.

I remembered this trick, if you get white deoderant marks when putting on a black top, grab a piece of pantyhose and rub the mark to remove it completely.

Perhaps I've changed my mind again. I've said before I wish I could turn this blog into something useful.
Maybe it should just be where you get your fix of random for the day, because I can guarentee you that nearly 100% of what is discussed here was unexpected.

Take, for instance, my Monday and Tuesday this week. I went down to Elmira to talk to a high school counsellor about transcripts and stuff for applying to university. On my way back, I went into Chapters to get some cook books (I should stop buying those...) because they were mega cheap.
And what did I find?

A new Michael Crichton book!
If you didn't know, he died in November of last year due to throat cancer, so I wasn't exactly expecting anymore books, and I cried a little bit about it at the time. He's my favourite author pretty much.
However, they'd found a manuscript in his files, and thus, a new book was published.
And it was 40% off!!!!!!!!!
God was telling me to buy it ;)

So, as I'm on the bus, I look out the window as we slowly drive down the street, and see a girl I knew in high school walking beside the bus.
I sent her a quick text to creep her out, and she told me to get my ass off the bus to come say hello.
My social calendar was empty for the night, so what the hell?
I get off, and my night changes from one of depressing attempts to type my novel into one full of job-hunting, deep conversations, realizations, and fun comeraderie.
I got to pamper someone again, and have a fun night.
We met this interesting man with the craziest beard, a tweed jacket and old-school (like, I mean look like in Dicken's time) hat. He kept popping up and creeped us out a little bit.

I found it entirely providential that, while hiding from the rain in a grocery store and getting pineapple juice, my older brother walks into the same store and offers us a ride, saving us nearly an hours time.
(unfortunately, this distracted me from remembering to grab my ten dollar's cash back, which I realized the next morning.)

The next day I took the bus back into waterloo with my friend, us keeping each other company before parting ways. I was going to stop in at a William's for a drink, when the girl across from me on the bus struck up a conversation with me. She was really fun and my age, and directed me to the Timmies' on campus instead, which I was grateful for because it was cheaper.
I wish I could have grabbed that girl's name, it would be fun to hang out with her sometime.

I was served by the most adorable middle-aged Asian woman of my life in the Tim Horton's, and have determined that the words "lovely" and "sweetie" sound best when said by a heartfelt woman with a Chinese accent and motherly smile and uncrushable customer service spirit.

On the bad side, sometimes random leaves you with babysitting five hours instead of two.
and you find videos that made you sad.