It's been, One week since you looked at me

I am in a relatively good mood at the moment.

I had a pretty good day yesterday. It was interesting.

The weather was cold and grey, but I liked it. When I woke up I found that the only child home was the youngest, so we took the bus to the mall.

I found some stuff that I'm really excited about.

As we were sitting on the bus, I again became aware of how much it would seem to the average bus goer or passerby that Jojo is actually my son. I mean, he is half Asian, yes, but that only would mean that I supplied the other half of that equation.

This is especially reinforced when he hugs me on the bus, or lays down in my lap, or goes, "I love you, Dee" with the most adorable and huge smile. And when he talks to me in that semi-gibberish language of his (due to his slowness in picking up the proper way to speak the English language) that I obviously understand and respond to.

I realized, at this moment, what I took my job for in the first place.

2 main reasons. Reason 1 was so that I wouldn't have to go back home and live with my parents, stay in this town and have a job. Reason 2 was for the kids; hoping to change them and turn them into more functional, less sociopathic beings.

If I had been writing blogs this week, it would have showed differently. It would have shown my anger at the amount I am paid, anger at their mother, frustration with their family, and a true intolerance/detesting of the way that they live and portray themselves to others.

And while it is true that these things do make me angry, and make me want to quit, I know now that it really is up to me to put these aside.

Ignore them, and I really won't get as frustrated.

This means do my job as I intended and forget the rest. When they start talking about things I can't take, then leave. Let them live the way they want. If I can't escape, or if they're in my face, then I can fight back or complain.

I didn't take this job for their parents; they got themselves into this mess and I'm not getting them out of it, I am just helping their children.

Basically, I need to imitate perfection.

If they can't SEE anything wrong, then they can't complain, n'est-ce pas?

I'm not saying I am going to be lying or anything. I'm just going to work my butt off till five everyday and then hide. I used to do this, before I connected with my friends again. I just have to remember how to get back into the habit.

I wonder if this is the wrong thing to do, or if it means I have some sort of complex. Oh well, it's not like I'm looking forward to doing it.

The only thing I look forward to is the weekend and the day that I quit ;)

On a happier note!

One of the things that made yesterday so awesome was, as I was cleaning my room (which is actually really nice now) my little sister phoned with excellent news.

My big brother (the one who took me out for my birthday) asked his girlfriend (of like, 3 years) to marry him!!!

In his own words, "...and good news, she said yes!!!" (and yes, there WERE three exclamation points there)

This makes me unbelievably happy :)

It really helped to even out a relatively crappy week, and end off a good day.