I'm only gonna break-break, break-break your heart.

University decisions are really tough. I thought I had it all figured out, and then York replied to me and now I don't know what to do.
I really was trying to do everything I could, I think, to lean towards Toronto, but I wasn't sure why. Now I think I know.
Location. If you look, U of T is a bit more central and in Toronto than York is. I'm not familiar with the Steeles/Finch/Keele/Jane area.
Is being in downtown Toronto so important to me? Possibly, because I'm a bit afraid that in a place so drastically larger than what I am used to, I'll want it as familiar as I can. I mean, it does make sense.
I don't know if others are having my difficulty, but, there it is. I've got about a week to come up with my final final final conclusions!! woo!
Scary and intimidating, but I know that once I have made my choice, it shall be set in stone and I won't look back. I wonder if I do that a lot in life, as whiney and pansy and indecisive as I am. I think I do.

In other news, my friend Saskie (name used because she would kill me if I used her real one) and I are doing dance fitness and swimfit classes. The aqua ones are relatively easy, but, man, the dryland is really really intense. Not bad for the amount we are paying! When they say a class is "Bootcamp", it's bootcamp!
But, everyone there is really nice and friendly, and our membership lasts three months, so we'll get all we can out of it, and that will be that. Maybe I'll be able to lose enough weight so that my "freshman 10 (15)" won't have a big impact.
(which is something I think I'm gonna have a say about later.

Omg, I am tired. Every time I move, my body screams in lunge-plank-crunch-stretch induced pain.

2

I'm switching things up a bit. As much as I love rambling about myself, I'm focusing things in a new direction. As such, this blog is going to be primarily used to follow other blogs and direct any followers to my writing blog
I humbly ask you to subscribe to that blog, as this one will be updated much less frequently and from now on be the one promoted:)

As a side note, I did some writing over the Easter weekend, the beginning of a new plot, and something I have never done before (although I suppose one of the motifs is not brand spankin' new)

Also, today I had the most fun just hanging out with a friend, going into wal-mart (buying cacti and ice cream) and drooling over bedsheets, comforters, clocks, exercise equipment and pretty much everything else; eating 5$ delicious Quiznos subs, and sitting in her car looking at the clouds through the sunroof with the seats fully reclined.
(it was too windy and asphalty to do it outside)

Rugburns

There have been lots of birthdays this week, and they will continue for the whole month! This includes my sister and multiples cousins at the very least for me. Apparently a lot of parents chose the month of July (or June, depending) to procreate. Well...I guess it was summer. :P

Today I got to go bridesmaid dress shopping for the first time ever! We tried them on, took pictures, fought...
My mother deemed most dresses, Too Low/Too Immodest. My sister kept asking if we were good with the colour. Therese kept thinking they didn't look good. Julia's disproportionate. Elyssia went Greek. (Although the highlight happened while I was in a change room; all the sudden you hear "thum thum THUMP" and "ohwwwhhaaaahaa" when she fell/tripped on the footstool. She got a bit of a mark, lol)

If Johanna wasn't going to be bridezilla, I was going to be bridesmaidzilla. at least for a bit. it didn't help that I had started the day off waking up late and having my mom bang on the front door three minutes later, lol.

Although, I did choose a dress. It's lovely, floor length, and has very simple, flattering and elegant rouching. Aside from my prom dress, it'll be my second gown, although I love it just a bit more. The lady from the store even gave us a discount because we are getting six dresses. She was very nice on the whole.

Now I've just got to suck up the 200$ for the dress. Oh well, could be worse!

Flyer Night

I'm in a bit of a flippant mood.
(I also think I've just been waiting for an opportunity to use the word "flippant".)

I'm sort of excited though! I daresay I've been accepted now into one of my three university choices. My account tells me there is a detailed letter coming for me in the mail.

This has given me inspiration. I want to write, I want to do it for the rest of my life.
I want to get off my butt and promote it.

But, I need to have some credible writing first to back it up...not just whiney blogs that reveal what an insane, horrible, childish, vengeful and jealous creature I am to my dear three (?) followers every once in a while.

I need to get some publicity, Yo.

this means less facebook for me I guess...

NB!
I am finally getting some more hours.
unfortunately, I'm getting a lot of shifts that aren't cash though.
Aisles is fine...I guess...but my shirt gets dirtier faster, and not that I am all that anal about cleanliness, but, I've only got one good workshirt, lol, and it will smell like strenuous box lifting after a while...

Saved!

My nice skin is back. I'm glad; it was putting me off for a while.

I met someone this weekend. I won't say who they are, but I knew who they were before I met the actual person.
I think I was disappointed.
That, and well, it just made me question what I know about the storytellers.

Although, to be honest, first person in a while who's going to be a challenge, I'll tell you that.
Caution ahead.

In other recent news...........

Slightly agitated.
I'd write more, but it's pointless. I'll just let the unspoken words writhe in agony because I can't say them properly.

Needless to say, I am beyond pissed off. I haven't had this much of a cry for ages. I still might not be done.

It'll take a while.

Kamahameha

On sunday, I had this cranky customer. She came up with her son and three items; he was getting a corkboard separately. Apparently it was five dollars cheaper at Zellers. Now, we do have the option as cashiers to control the price of something without consulting a manager if it is within ten dollars, however, this woman did not have the right idea of going about asking for it.

Now, the first question that comes to my mind when a customer asks for a price difference is if it is in the flyer of the other place, or website or something like that. That's just conditioning for me so that I can have proof it actually should be changed. So I asked her that, just out of habit, and she says Well I don't know how I can do that, as it was just a price tag on the shelf, in a very "Duhhhh" tone.
(So why didn't you buy it at Zellers? What does it matter to you if your money is spent in my store or their's? Get the HBC! lol)

I didn't want to fight with her...but this woman was being a little rude, and her son looked a bit uncomfortable. I told her that I can't just do something that's on the shelf, like, I need proof. She hmmpfed. When her total came up, her son looked at her as the bill he was holding in his hand wasn't going to cover it. She starts digging in her wallet, complaining "didn't think it was going to actually come up to this much..." (DID ya now?)

This customer was lucky enough to get a service survey. Oh Joy. Doesn't bother me that much though because I know she would have had the same attitude had I given her the price match.
It's the little things in life :)

Yesterday!
Interesting and random again! I like getting the randomness back.

I fixed two buttons on my brand new jacket. They were loose in the first place and I sewed them on tighter. Ahaha. Kudos to my threading skills I didn't realize I still had. :D

I went into work to talk to them about my hours and to buy some new headphones (which rock, I will always recommend panasonic brand headphones, as well as my beloved Skull Candies, of course.)
Turns out that woman filled out the customer service survey and was "disgusted" with the associates (me) behaviour, and was displeased because she had no way of proving it. She thought it was petty I suppose (to be honest woman, I did too. You shouldn't have made such a big deal.)
I told my managers that it was me who had rung her through, explained my position, told them I wouldn't do it again, but, just at that point in time I didn't feel it was wise for me personally to give it to her. Lol, maybe my cashier position isn't the place to be teaching people ettiquette, but I am that type of person and this made me feel just a little victory. I got a bit of a reprimand for it, but they understood. :)

On my way to work though, it just HAD to start raining. Gah.
However, when I got back to the bus terminal finally, I walked up to where my bus would stop and pick up, because although according to the time the bus might have already left, there was someone standing there with a large umbrella waiting.
I asked her if she was waiting for the fifteen, she said yes, but that she had just got there herself.

She invited me under her umbrella and we chatted for a bit, eventually deciding to take another bus instead.
Getting on that bus, our conversation continued from where we lived, what we did, the weather and all that jazz.
I never got her name, I must confess, nor did I ever reveal mine. She looked like a Melissa though (lol, wtf I know.)

When we neared her stop, she convinced me to take her umbrella with me, because she only had a tiny walk and mine was ten minutes. I wanted to argue, but she said to take it. Apparently she found it in her break room after it had just been sitting there for months anyways, so she didn't have much claim to it either. She waved to me after she got off and the bus passed by.

Walking home, I'm actually pretty darn happy I had that umbrella. It was very cold and wet.

Thanks, Stranger!

when you hear my voice you think of me, not anyone else

Good St. Patrick's Day y'all?

It gave me very strange dreams involving a funeral where I worked, being drunk at said workplace, getting in a fight and being two hours late. Also, for some reason my name was Jasmine; even my nametag said so.

Yesterday was a semi-good day. I went to the mall to check out the new H&M that had just opened. It was cool, but I don't know if it was worth all the hype, it seemed too small.
Needless to say, I wasn't going to try to navigate myself around that store and the mile-long changeroom/cash lineups for overpriced clothing. And I needed a spring jacket.
So I found one! Yay! But not at H&M; at Winners. It's cheetah print. I've never owned anything of that particular print before. I mean I like the jacket, but it will take me a little bit to not feel pretentious wearing it. I've never really affiliated myself with animal prints as being "me".

The rest of the day well, it just went by kinda in a daze. It's Friday, and therefore the weekend, and it doesn't feel like that at all to me.
To be truthful, it doesn't feel like anything. I'm going through one of those apathetic phases again, I think.
Hmm.
At least I get tons of writing in those times.
Let's see what I can create.

And I'm like, baby baby baby, oooh.

(Not a Justin Beiber fan, but that chorus is addictive.)

I gave blood for the first time yesterday. Was fun! I loved answering all the cocaine survey questions and if I've had sex with homosexual/drug addicted men since 1977.
I got a blood buddy right away though, this interesting kinda guy who noticed my "first time donor" sticker across my chest and chatted it up with me about Graywater.
I liked him, his chattyness wasn't awkward.

My older sister is finally back in the province after her 13 month stay in south korea!
It was such happiness when I got home to my parent's house (I needed an eye appointment) and I found out she would be home within the hour.
I'm very close to her, and it was wretched to have her gone for so long.

Not much else has happened, although these past two days have seemed very long.
I am pleased with them.

Adam Lambert

You want to hear from me, but you don't want to listen.
I remember why I never used to like you,
I don't know what happened in between.

I feel really horrible for the way that I think
but I can't help and wonder if it's true.
I feel brutal but I think you deserve this;

I think you've brought it upon yourself
I know when I've been rude
And I feel bad

Can you do anything about it when it's your turn?
Are you helpless?
Maybe that's what brings on this loathing.

I'm just relieved most of the world isn't like you.
Or, at least,
the part of the world I affiliate myself with.

(By the way, I love Adam Lambert, and this is not about him. It was just inspired while thinking and listening to "Whatya Want From Me" at the same time.)

Let's get together and feel alright

I've gotten myself into a bit of a mess, it would seem.
FML doesn't quite describe.
Shit.

When the Younger are more Mature.

I don't know if it's just February (What an odd word), but I felt like talking about love.
Love is such an odd thing, isn't it.
It's not that I'm feeling so much love right now, no, I don't think that's what inspired this little mind-jot.

I don't think I'm really that qualified to talk about love, give lectures on it, advice or anything. Nobody dubbed that, even though I have had my fair share of conversations, and I love them (ahaha to the semi-pun.)
But, I have felt love, and loved before, and I think that gives me a right.
So as I was saying.

Love's a funny thing.
I don't think you can really describe actual love. try as you might. and don't think I'm being all whimsical and shojo and head-in-the-clouds here, I'm rather calm at the moment.
I think you can describe attraction, and infatuation, and lust, and obsession, and pain and abuse, and chocolate and confusion,
but I don't think you can describe love. Even if your description is in the Bible (No offense to any Apostles.).

I mean, if we could, then we would have it down pat, right?
Which is why it's so confusing, eh?
I get confused all the time about love. You think you know something and then BAM! something happens and your feet get chopped off all over again and you fall down flat on your metaphorical face.

And we enjoy it! (Or at the very least look forward to it happening/worry if it doesn't happen soon.)
But yes, I don't think we get it, and it's probably better that way. I think a few things in life lose merit if they're rationalized (Take Chuck Norris jokes for instance, if you tried rationalizing them to a middle-aged adult who doesn't get them, they would be just ruined forever.)

I wonder if I have a point here or I'm just going in circles.

For me, personally, I enjoy love and I think I can recognize it. I know when I do or don't love a person vs. the other options I mentioned above. Infatuation happens quite often with me it seems.
But yes. What I enjoy about love, I think the most, is the constancy and consistency that comes with it
yes..those are two different things.
That and the safety net it provides. Who doesn't want to feel safe at times?
And finally, knowing that I either love or am in love with someone just makes me feel good, about that person and the relationship I have with them, and gives me a more rosy outlook on life in general.

To all the people that I love, I hope you know who you are, and I hope I'll always love you.
(I also hope that doesn't sound creepy)
Lol.

Life is happy.

St. Valentine's Day!

I always loved st. valentine's day. not because I had a significant other, or because I received lots of chocolate or flowers or some crap like that.
No, it was always a lot of fun to have a craft day with my sisters, and make cards with lots of red,white,pink and black construction paper, paper doilies, glitter, scissors and the occasional pair of googly eyes.
that, and there was usually some sort of party, and the involvement of baking some yummy food was always key.

Last night was my sister's dance, which I volunteered to help out with. it was the 5th one, and usually I would just participate, and not help out. oh well, things change.
I think I was actually kinda glad to be a volunteer. I wasn't quite feeling the crowd or the music so much this year, and I'm excellent at bitching people around in the kitchen.
although, it was definitely a plus that our dj was quite cute this year. I was definitely feeling him.

aaaand I finally got to wrench off these wretched fake nails at 3 in the morning! Yayyyyy!

but now I must go and look at pictures from this dance.
Happy Love Day, y'all <3

Google Stalk

St Valentine's is fast approaching and I am once again reminded that I have no Valentine.
Unfortunately this year I won't be enjoying Love Cake with my sisters, methinks.

Although...our dance is the night before so I really shouldn't complain.

I was going through one of my phases the other night before I started helping some people with online msn therapy sessions (making me also realize I feel useless unless I am helping someone make themselves feel better), and I wrote a bit of a Valentine's Poem, I suppose you should say.

Maybe this is what Bella would have been thinking about Edward had they not started their mutual obsession before conversationshearts-day. (Although Twilight kinda ruins my work. And ifffff Stephanie Meyer could write. [yes, I did just say my writing is better than miss mormon])

But, at the very least there are people out there who feel this way, to this extent or not.I just attempted to capture it as the mood took me.

Did it work?

As a sidenote--
New music in my iTunes:
~Florence and the Machine (My personal faves Cosmic Love Girl with one Eye [chills!] and Howl so far)

as well as

~Lioness, who unfortunately only have really an EP so far, but they have a member from controller.controller and I loooove them thanks to this music video I watched this morning
I was only paying attention to the song though as I was doing dishes)

You's a jackass.

Life is boring.  But then, it's February; it's not supposed to be an entertaining month, hell, they cut it two days short it's so boring. 

Lol.

When I type, when I speak, I feel like it's just all in this monotonous tone.  

But I shouldn't complain, things could be worse.

speaking of complaints. I was talking to someone from work over msn, and I realize I do a hella lot of "apologies" because I always manage to throw something in there about how my life sucks.

Well, it's not that bad.  I don't remember how many times I've gone over this with the voice in my head.  

It inspires me to write.

so write I did. 

xoxox

lalalalalalalalalala-oi!

So I now own an iPhone.

I like it, except I creepy myself out when I use it; I'll be holding it in my left palm and using my right index finger to flip through things. The fake nails I wear right now are actually what does the creeperage; I feel like an evil antagonist in a c-grade movie.

(does any of that even make sense?)

I got pretty pissed off this weekend. My older sister invited me to come and bring some of my friends along with her and her friends out to a club. We were to pre-drink at her house. We were then going to go to a club in Kitchener, even though I suggested one that was closer so the cab would be less.

I ended getting kicked out of the club soon after I got there....

I don't care that I got kicked out of the club.

What I care about is the absolute stupidity I believe my sister portrayed. She shoved my into a taxi with a strange foreign male driver, alone, and gave him an address back to her house.

Did I have a cab buddy? Did she ask me if I had money? Did she offer to go with me? Did she know if I was going to live? Did she know if I could even comprehend what she was saying?

NO

Guess what happens?

Deanna thus becomes terrified of her driver, is incapable of any logical texting, gets sick in the car, has no clue where her cards are, can't see straight let alone walk properly, and ends up getting charged a ridiculous price that she was too scared to challenge and the dear loverly sister of mine doesn't even know which cab company she paired me with so I can't even call them to ask why I was charged the exorbitant amount.

I have no Idea how I made it into her house, or down the stairs, or to the bathroom or how I managed to remove my belt. I also don't recall sending texts at four in the morning, don't recognize half of the other ones and may have been hallucinating at one point when I thought I saw someone sitting at her laptop desk.

So What is my issue? You're thinking, yes Deanna, but you got piss drunk and that's a stupid thing to do so it's your fault and you learned a lesson; curb your alcohol intake next time.

nonononono. That's not my problem

My problem is the fact that my older sister neglected to care for me in the slightest way other than shoving me in a taxi that took me away from a place I didn't even want to go to in the first place, when she should have, as my hostess and elder sibling taken care of me. I don't care if she'd planned to meet people there or she had friends she'd leave behind--family first, they constantly remind me of that whenever I tell them I'll miss a function because of work. (a legitimate excuse)

I didn't plan on having what was worth more than my last weeks paycheque taken from my bank account either.

I didn't plan on being scared out of my wits because I thought my cabbie was going to throttle me and made me feel like I was of the lowest quality scum on the planet.

I didn't plan on trying not to cry in the shower.

I didn't plan on having what looked like the only, only highlight to my shitty excuse for a month ruined in a grand total of five minutes, plus driving time.

Thanks sis, love you too.

Kanata Kara

I've discovered that my cocoa butter hand cream smells slightly like marzipan. I don't know why. Not that I mind, mind you, I like marzipan, it's yummy.

My uncle's son and his wife are here with their children. They are all congregated in the kitchen. I wonder if either of the children will wander into the sitting room where I am positioned, reading slowly loading scanlations and wishing I hadn't consumed my tea so quickly.

They're rather adorable, with equally adorable names to match. Charlie, Ruby...

and I don't remember what the baby's name is.

Ooops.

I was wondering how I was going to fill my unscheduled weekend (I guess staples decided that after forcing me to work every single Fri-Mon weekend since I started that they would give me a break.) when I checked my e-mail inbox.

Turns out that the universities I have applied at have received my applications, and I can now look at shit on their websites and timelines and requirements and all that dry, time-eating, nauseating and thrilling information.

I'll get around to it tomorrow when I have the house to myself. I'd rather know I have the entire day ahead to work it out as opposed to being surprised and sucked into it.

Plus, telling people that you have university stuff to do over the weekend is an automatic plan-killer.

And I am the queen of play before and after work.

Hooray for life experience skills.

So I'm not too too worried

(Unless WC wants me to hang out. Then I might be too busy :p)

(ooh, on another note, I saw Duck Boy at work yesterday. Hee hee.)

Five stars for a blog with substance for once!

*****

(LOL.)

(PS, Youth in Revolt is pretty funny. Another movie that I may adore Michael Cera in. HUuuuunnnmmgg [general sound I make when I think of him] And Justin Long is a bonus too mua haha)

To twitter or not to twitter, THAT is the question.

So I'm helping out for these two weeks by dealing with equipment and registration forms for social media training presentations all around my hometowns.
(yes, I have multiple hometowns and we're visiting all of them LOL)
I also work for someone pretty cool. We get along pretty well I think, so far :D

I like it!
(I also like the pay. 20/hr. Yummmm.)

And I get to sit on my ass for about an hour and a half each time, reading or facebooking or whatever the hell I want (like blogger.)
It actually goes kinda with the presentations, which are all about catching up the baby-boomers to web 2.0 and 3.0 to better their businesses, because everyone's kinda (sadly) going to social network sites.
So they need to adapt or die!

In other news, I bought a Jack Skellington backpack--it's entirely ten years oldish, but I'm in love with it, and my ten years oldishly decorated Toshiba (my darling little clunky Hikaru) goes pretty well with it.

I'm excited to be a roadie! I loves it already :)

Oh, also, I dunno if you've ever watched this channel before, but it's something I picked up from the presentation... this guy blends things! But never food! I think he's awesome, hahaha.
(we watched the guitar hero III one)

Rockets

Innnnnnnteresting night.

As always, things didn't go quite as I'd planned. Two of the people had to leave early due to unfortunate incident, and I don't know who feels worse about it, me or them.

(or, at least the one of them who can remember. She might wonder why she's wearing my shirt and sweater today as opposed to her own.)

(Needless to say though, that's never happening in my house again or there will be no more happenings to have in my house.)

Still went out to the club afterward though, there were a few who had survived to the midnight mark, aha.

Which was entirely interesting in itself. True to my nature, unlike the rest of my sisters, I have not exhausted every club in an 80 mile radius as soon as I turned 19, so I'm still rather a newbie to this.

I don't think I did too badly, I mean, it's not that difficult...

Although, it all depends on the type of bar that you go to, I suppose.

(It certainly would in the last two cases for me)

If I were asked to describe it though, well, I dunno. I left the night kinda angry (most likely due to not going to bed before the alcohol wore off. Makes me bitchy beyond control and I don't know how to stop it...) and swearing. I sent some mean texts...(gotta fix that).

It was fun, to be honest and fair, but there were simply some things about it that I just will prefer to not be repeated, and I know that I could kick them out of my lifestyle without looking back or batting an eye.

Also, these strange events have left me with a load of dirty laundry, a bottle of tequila gold (that is not mine *hint*hint* to the person who didn't come back to my house and pick it up--I will punish you...), a pair of boots, a lent out shirt and sweater, and one of my belts on someone else's waist (again, I will destroy you for walking home, child.)

I also woke up with what I thought could have possibly been a hangover at 7:58 this morning, and then realized it was simply extreme hunger before I fell back asleep.

I like to be able to answer with clarity when I walk down the next day and am asked how I feel.

:D

(Now I just have to deal with all this crap that isn't mine.)

RG

So I'm sitting on a daybed in a particular house, and I almost regret coming here tonight.
I almost feel imprisioned.

So far tonight I've done two dishwashers full of dishes, cleared a table thrice, helped prepare dinner, and been asked to cut pineapple and make peanut butter cookies.

It was a very ripe pineapple.

I don't know what's going to happen now. I want to curl up and fall asleep and just sleep until morning, and then escape from the house and go visit a friend.
If I could just sleep, I could forget everything.

And I'm hungry.
I fed them, but I forgot to feed myself.
(Somehow this sounds slightly like a broken record...)

Oh, I have got to stop this masochism. It's gonna do strange shit to my brain.

Boston Pizza

So I've learned that I don't always make a fool of myself in social situations.
That, and the people from work are great and don't make me feel like a fool :D

I had a very fun night last night at boston pizza after work. It was slightly impromptu for me, seeing as I was notified of it about three hours before it was starting. Oh well, I love spontaneity.

Ever played Never Have I Ever with your co-workers?
Loads of fun.
(once you finally get a drink, anyways, lol)

There's not much else to say...I've had a busy and uninteresting morning. Sorry folks!

I have that mug!

So apparently I've past the 100 post mark for my blog here.

Yay me.

(Also, Deanna, how do you manage to whine so much? Get a life.)

lol.

I sucked it up today and spent money on the 2007 version of Microsoft Office.

I looooooooove it.

So much fun to type with.

Crazy shit.

I recommend it.

Also.

You know how in books and movies, two people will be having a flowing back and forth ricochet of flirtatious banter?

This doesn't necessarily mean they like each other, just that they are two nice, secure of themselves people with interesting lives that know how to make everyone laugh with their interesting and no-time-thinking-at-all volleys of verbal communication.

Yeah.

Well,

you know how that turns out with me?

Stutters and 'umms' and 'mmmms' and a half-ass comment that could use major screenwriter's editing.

Oh well, such is life.

Everyone else at work isn't too much better, so I'm okay with my less than Oscar Wilde witticisms.

It doesn't help that they perpetually play 'Friends' on the TV in the breakroom, reminding me of how I fail at noncommittal social workplace flirting.

(This is why I blog; I have all day to figure out the simplist thing and spin it around at the end of the day to make it look like I am full of awesomeness.)

Speaking of awesome, this made me giggle a bit.

Unwatered Vineyard Of Immortality's Wine

So it's a brand new year!

I had one of the best New Year's Eves I've ever partaken in this year. I think it was because

a) My parents weren't there
b) My sisters weren't nagging me about what I was drinking
c) I got to hang out with the guys/have actual interesting and fun conversations, not just about God and Religion and School
d) I spent most of this time hanging out with the guys by smoking a hookah in a bedroom.

Have you ever seen a ton of guys in suits partake in shisha?
Made my Year.

And now I'm back to work, and I don't mind.
Yes, I'm tired from lack of sleep, and customers can be cranky and I'm getting older and I'm behind on all my various internet committments, but...

I'm happy.

And I had calimari rings for dinner, so my insides are happy too.

Resolve to What? (Belated Blog)

I have discovered that I like typing in 75% zoom for some reason. I don't know why.

Also, as I was carrying up wood from the cellar this morning to put into the woodstove, I had a thought.
Why are socks and underwear so expensive? Small pieces of cloth, way overpriced, so much so that even at discount stores they make your wallet bleed.
Is it simply because they know we'll pay it? Because I'm sure I know a few people who would have no second thoughts at going commando.
Oh well.

And so, third day home before the New Year, and I feel that I'm going to strangle someone. My little sister has always annoyed me so, and her constant battering me with questiongs about iTunes is driving me over the edge. They are essentially demands to be given music from my computer to her iPod untactfully masked as what I am sure she means to be nonchalant questions.
She has been made aware of my annoyance of her mooching everything that is mine, from books to movies to food to laptop to music to electronics and manga and job discount, with nothing in return. I am getting sick of it. I understand that we are siblings and this happens, however, her insensitiveness ans spoiled "I should be able to have this" way of thinking, encouraged since she was born as the second youngest child, youngest girl, and one who never made such a fuss as I was or rebelled makes her think this way. I haven't been her older sister for 16 1/2 years without learning this.
She doesn't know how to get things for herself, and when I tell her how to do it, she complains and asks me to do it anyways.

And when I get upset and tell her to do things herself and get frustrated and yell at her, I am the one who is told to take a chill pill and stop and look inside myself and see what is wrong and how to fix the problem.
I'm the one who's told, If I don't like it, then I can Just Leave.
I'm the one who's told, This Always Happens when you're home
I'm the one who's blamed for all the technology and music and crap in this house thay my mother Hates and Can't Stand.

I act like the wild, crazy child with wild ideals and crazy habits and full of energy and fun you always want me to be.
And then you get mad.

Well, sorry, because I did leave. I'm not the one who asks when I'm coming home next, or if I'll need a ride to this or that.
If they hadn't noticed, I've been organizing my own ways and rides for over 3 years now, just so that I can avoid such questions.
I don't want you to have any claim or hold on me, and yet you seem fixated with involving me in things I want nothing to do with.

I don't do my laundry when I come home to your house, I don't steal your car, I don't complain that my old room was stolen by an older bitchy sister who will make me sleep on the couch with no second thoughts, I don't eat all of your food, I don't make a mess, I don't interfere with your plans, I don't ask you for money, I don't ask you for pity, and don't use profanity (but if I were, you know that I would be called on it, whereas if my sisters did, it would be okay. And I know this because I've seen it already in the past 3 days) and I don't take over your computer or TV or tell you what to do.

I don't tell you what I'm doing on my laptop because I don't want you to care because yyou couldn't understand anyways because I've tried before and it just doesn't register for you. You tell me if I'm not doing anything important then to just get off.
Well obviously it's important if I'm not telling you about it.
Nine kids and 33 years of marriage, and you still don't get it?

And if I'd stop typing, and get off my computer with nothing but my mind and fingers itching to get back to the keys and finish what I'd started? You think I'd just up and do what you want me to do for you anyways? You want me to take care of your house for you? I don't live her anymore, remember?

I listen to my iPod, and I type on my computer, and I take naps and I read my books and I don't talk to you because I don't want to listen to you anymore.
And you don't take kindly to that, and you get annoyed.
Well, suck it the fuck up, because I'm an adult now, and I chose it, and you're just hurt that I'd rather live my own path than stay under your shadow and act just the way you want me to when you see me.

You should have learned before that I don't take kindly to people telling me what to do. Least of all people who can't understand me because we live light-years away in how we think and act and interact.

So leave me alone, please.