Bluejay and Second

So I wasn't going to post this. I wasn't sure if it wouldn't be taken as looking for a pity party, but, it was thought up on the bus, so I really don't know if you can be looking for pity at that point.

I'm usually more concerned with avoiding making eye contact with the creeper who's also in the back of the bus.

So I realized and firmly decided I have justification for this little piece of work, because it's not just about one person, and I have to get my thoughts out or I'll go crazy and depressed like before, and it's my blog and my life so fuck all who think I'm being silly and bitchy and overreactive.

If you think I am, it's simply because we haven't chatted enough about what is going on behind this.

I'm just also entirely uncomfortable with some things.

I realize, sometimes in life, little happenings are good for you.

Sometimes, it's just the circumstances behind these that aren't, and are also worrisome.

I wish I could explain myself more clearly, and I think that's part of the problem.

But these happenings make me uncomfortable.

And perhaps some people are just a little bit sick of it and over it.

So I'm sorry.

But I'm not,

and I won't be,

not for a while.

And I feel

So, so tired, and I wish,

I could just lay everything I have to say out on a table and explain, and weep, and have you all understand.

But I can't

And it hurts like fucking hell.

And the worst, is that the ones who actually need to know all this never will.

So we just try to get by,

crying inside,

and irritating out,

spilling our souls onto dirty sheets of paper

human words incompetent at revealing honest feeling

talking to ourselves and hoping others will notice

but knowing they can't share

our fears and tears,

so we just pray

that they will stay

by our sides,

and comfort us with their sad smiles,

hoping it will do the trick,

to save our sorry lives

from dying of desire

to be understood.