Small Luminescent Hands

I just drank some really good ginger ale! I always find it tastes best the first sips out of a two litre bottle, as opposed to the cans or 590 mL bottles. Yumm.

As a side note...

I'm so cold that my nipples are almost permanently erect. Grrr.

This has been nearly constant for the past three weeks.

I hope this isn't bad for them.

I would turn up the heat, but I had a bad dream about the fireplace exploding, and I don't even know where the thermostat is, so I'll let it be.

It doesn't help that I spend a third of my day in the room where one wall is almost completely a glass window.

Plus, I have accumulated a mass amount of sweaters from going to not one, but two of the most incorrectly heated schools on the planet.

I'll just suck it up; after all, maybe it's just telling me to do more baking and heat up the house ;)

(or to just get off my ass in general because I'm a lazy child.)

As I was waiting at the bus stop, my life took a depressing turn. I wonder if I should get it checked out.

But I'm worried if I'm not just fueling it with this blogging dealio.

I wonder if I should stop, although I know I never could because I always feel fathoms better after typing.

Still, doesn't help my situation.

Sorry about the upcoming turmoil you're about to endure.

I'm so sick of myself.

My narcissism, my over-obsession with things, my drama queen style, my bitchiness, my ego.

Obnoxiousness, volume, impulsivity, childishness, unworldliness, and the fact that I like to show off whenever I can.

My insecurity, my self-pity which I loathe but cannot escape.

I'm so sick of being terrified I'll become one of those people who will always expect everyone to sympathize. A pity party. Someone who cannot go on without everyone on their side.

I'm so sick of being terrified that friends will drop me oh-so-quickly because I'm getting old playing the same record over and over.

I'm afraid I'll become my own victim again. I'll fall prey to my memories and lose myself in them, believing that that is all that I am worth, and will not be able to convince others otherwise.

I'm afraid that I trust people too much, but scared of what would happen if I couldn't have the ability to do so.

My mother once said she thinks I'm so sensitive [to myself and others] because I am sensitive to the unseen forces around us. (ie-spirits angels and demons etc etc I find this riveting coming from a strong Catholic)

I suppose that can happen to people.

She also said I have a beautiful naivete to myself.

I'm scared what the world wants to do with that.